Stern Too Irrelevant for Video Podcasting

Many people wonder why Howard Stern will never leave the SiriusXM corporation and go off on his own and pay for his own personal website and his own personal podcast. Well, the answer is obvious, because then actual numbers would be made public of the people viewing the podcast and those that downloaded the podcast. Howard is safe inside the corporate cloud of satellite radio where listener numbers and ratings don't exist. 

It's a pay service, so any actual paying individual subscribers [not those in a corporation where the company pays for the service or freebie subscriptions are given away by SiriusXM board members] do not exist, only a number of the total subscribers with Howard Stern spouting anything he wants, claiming he has millions of listeners that do not exist. No one can quantify how many people are actually subscribing to Sirius solely to listen to the Howard Stern show except through random, unsubstantiated and unprovable surveys mailed to existing subscribers.

Howard Stern can never match the numbers of the Joe Rogan Podcast that is breaking records across the Internet. Howard Stern is still stuck in a time warp of his old and horridly boring Channel 9 days, as well as the later E Channel show where producers had to just film his daily radio show since Stern was horrific at trying to be a talk show host and blundered in front of a TV camera having no concept of the medium of television and video. 

Everyone knows that Stern's studio is empty and dark, having evicted the on-air staff with only a stale and cobwebbed aged sound effects guy who hides behind a barrier and has to be woken up to tell Howard when another paid commercial break is needed [since those are necessary to fund the Stern channels, Howard 100 and 101], and then Howard has the occasional appearance of his former sidekick Robin Quivers, who mainly exists on the air as a digital disembodied voice to provide irrelevant comments and read non-current news items over the air while Howard prepares to end the show and sneak back into his office to hide for awhile while he checks his email to see who he has to meet that day. Will it be Pat the Celeb Gossiper and Name Dropper Nobody at the gym? Felix the Tailor with the male models? Or maybe Ralph at the club to have an early dinner and talk about how the show went and hand over any corporate freebies to Ralph, like tickets to movies or live events.

Pretty funny that most podcasts and radio shows are filmed and uploaded [or streamed live] on the Internet yet Howard Stern can't seem to get his shit together and have his daily stale satellite radio show broadcast live on the Internet to subscribers. I guess Sirius doesn't want to do the simulcast live broadcast since it would cost them too much money in their existing money pit that is satellite radio. Plus, Howard Stern wants to be paid twice per show since he is paid for the audio version and wants a separate pay video service and that's the reason why his original Howard TV went bankrupt since only about 112 people were subscribing to Howard TV so it went dark, as is the current situation in the Howard Stern stale universe orbiting on its axis of oblivion where it belongs.

I mean face it, audio only broadcasting is boring and barely worth the time it takes to listen to it, besides that, who does the morning commute bit nowadays anyway? Ha, not DBM. Noontime is my morning commute as I commute from the loft to the limo wondering where my first drink of coffee is coming from as I take calls from the queens in the village. The real action is in video so we can watch what happens. Andy Cohen has all mediums covered what with his TV show, his runaway hit on satellite of Radio Andy as well as his Real Housewife reality show franchise and he gets all the relevant guests on his shows leaving old man Stern in the dust where he belongs as he weekends at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons posing for newspaper selfies since apparently the Hamptons house has no electricity and it's a read only site with Howard normally posing on a couch in a giant coat waiting for his limo ride back to the city trying to avoid those worms in his apple.

Poor Howard was even a giant failure on the second wife front and couldn't even score a real celeb like the real porn star actress Nicole Sheridan. Beth is a copy of Nicole down to those obvious breast implants. I guess Nicole was not interested in any phony publicity stunt when Howard called looking for the hot porn star to pose as his girlfriend and have her pretend she was having problems with her marriage. Well, Nicole is really an actress since you would think she would be perfect in her role as a stooge wife of Howard Stern.

What about Robin Quivers? Where is her third book deal? She's practically nonexistent in the Stern world since he's been trying to get rid of her for years yet needs that black woman on the show to avoid lawsuits over his past and present racist and sexist show material. Well, she's got a stellar history on the book front, right?

Robin's third book was expected last year at xmas since she had been conducting interviews with everyone she knew throughout the years, primarily those who have worked with her on the Stern radio show including Howard's current wife Beth Ostrosky Stern. The book has yet to see the light of day since Howard is worried about funding sources since he's primarily done with Robin. But, Howard wants that final chapter to be about Robin retiring from the Stern satellite radio show which is a matter of contention for the tubby overeater who has dumped veganism and any "ism" since being sequestered to broadcasting her news segments from her pantry terrified of leaving the Stern show permanently since it's her sole funding source.

Poor Howard is having difficulty coming up with consistent publicity stunts to keep his name in the press every week as his bosses barely know if he's alive or just a recorded disembodied voice on a satellite. Howard's also still struggling with getting celebrity endorsements for his animal adoption gimmick while having to pay expenses for that wife who is rarely vertical and scrounging for tabloid press as not one person outside of the O Clan of Clowns knows who she is.

Hey, people send me stuff all the time and allegedly this is a secret cross dressing members only club photo of Jessica Seinfeld [top left in the photo below] but to me, it looks like a guy who looks like Jessica who looks very butch in photos and in real life what with her buddy being that bi___ Ali Wentworth.

#robinquiversgetalife #bethostroskystern
#howardstern #stalesatelliteradio
#joerogan
#jessicaseinfeld