Zero Hour

Howard Stern managed to have almost zero content during those long boring hours on Tuesday's stale satellite radio show and he deserves applause. Not many could do that, I mean, most normal entertainers want to actually provide entertainment to someone above the age of idiot. Yep, the Great American Dinosaur keeps the same shtick going for 30 years, yippee, with the kids and ex-wife laughing all the way to their annual family party having a good time on Howard's dough. Well, almost zero content meaning, in between tons of commercials since Sirius has to pay for the Howard Stern channels somehow since the subscriptions don't cover all the costs to air the show on a floating satellite. I guess Howard is just facing facts. To pocket most of his dough and to fight off those annual budget cuts, all he's got is the wackpacker humor and making fun of his staff who make pennies in comparison to what Howard and Beth rake in with their salaries, the charity tax relief kitten rooms in each of their properties, it's endless really, and keeps Howard's lawyers, accountants and publicity agents employed full time at a hefty wage, oh, all well-deserved. 

Who else but Howard and Beth Stern could keep their names constantly and endlessly in the press since they crave celebrity and attention? Howard has managed to keep his name always somewhere in print with his wife bopping around the house all night desperate to remain vertical for more than two hours at a time since she has to stay camera ready for her awesome Instagram followers who barely have a clue as to who the woman is, aside from Beth having to remain vertical to keep her plastic hair from snapping off and that makeup and lashes glued to her face since she has an appearance coming up and we all want to see that, don't we? I mean, those snapshots of Beth in action are just priceless and provide endless fun as we relax and laugh our day away. Beth's has a delusion that she needs to keep those corporate Instagram followers and cat club minions happy by posting bizarre selfies of her bloated face and enormous horrible bags under her eyes. Hey, Beth, get some sleep now and then, give that iPhone a vacation from having to stare at your mug day in and day out, it might be considered phone abuse by the National Selfie Organization for Shut-Ins Without a TV Series. 

But if Howard were to actually have content for his show and hire real writers, hire some real on-air talent [not a side-kick scootered senior barking orders at Chef Boyardee] he would be out of money in no time and be stuck back at the apts in Manhattan with the ball and chain [I just made Howard's wig go limp at the mere thought of it]. Howard would rather just fill his airtime goofing on everyone and call it a day with Princess Beth in a dark fantasy she is famous. Hey, she is famous, the pudge from Pittsburgh married the clown DJ racist/sexist with Miss Token in tow paid to cackle nonstop and she has been cackling for so long we wonder when she will finally lay that egg. Oh, they've laid eggs all right, Howard does it every week as he has courage to air gibberish while subscribers are turning the channel in droves heading over to Jenny McCarthy, Andy Cohen, Sandra Bernhard, any other talk radio show to fill the hours with a bit of fun and gossip while Howard has to think up another celebrity to call fat and coerce them into coming on his show for the big apology and ass kissing...no thanks, I'll skip it.

Beth at Stalag Beth in
the Hamptons in one of her
MuuMuus. How sexy showing
off the goofy breast implants
while strangling kittens.

Howard is in shock this week having to pretend to live with Beth since she is in town promoting herself again and her kitten gimmick, so Howard delighted his listener with info that his wife is in a giant gown [Muu Muu] haunting the house all night and he thought she was a ghost. Right Howard, it's called living with a wife who can't keep away from that camera for more than two hours at a time. Howard has no intention of living with Beth and needed a cover story and the cat adoption/fostering gimmick is the cover. Howard is all stressed out having to play marriage this week hosting the Canterville Ghost Beth wearing her best shroud.

A timeless classic: The hot couple is so much in love they sit on a bed two feet apart with Howard fully clothed waiting for his limo driver to text him while MuuMuu Beth the overweight ghost has an iPhone camera planted in front of her face. My gosh, are we jealous of their love yet? Someone could be jealous of that tight permed weave Howard has sitting next to that blonde wig with a selfie monster attached to it.

The Daily Mail UK loves Heidi as they follow her every move as she is promoting her lingerie line:

2-2-16, John Varvatos Fall/Winter 2016

I bet Beth O was thrilled to see that she was the inspiration for the John Varvatos multimedia experience during men's Fashion Week in New York going on right now. Will Howard score an invite and get to pose again with the famous designer? Well, Howard might have to pay full retail for those clothes now since he no longer has the NBC clothing budget allowance since "America's Got Talent" escaped to LA to be free of the aged ratings tanker. Was Howard seen sneaking in through the back door at the Varvatos fashion show? Oh, wild horses couldn't keep him away.

2-2-16, John Varvatos Fall/Winter 2016

#johnvarvatos
#kittenbowl