Watch Out, It Bites

Beth O is not to be messed with, got it? Taking a look at her face during one of her horizontal depressive collapses at Stalag Beth is enough to send Howard running for The Exorcist. Beth will tell you she is a major celebrity but she is just the hero of the stupid. I realize that was the title bestowed upon Howard's employee Stuttering John Melendez, who quit the Stern show when Jay Leno hired him to work on The Tonight Show. But John can only hope to be as stupid as Beth to gain faux fame and real fortune. Too bad John was not a bleached blonde with clown makeup because Howard would have married him instead of Beth. But John had the long hair Howard loves and is stupider than Howard which is  a major requirement for being allowed inside the Stern circle as a stooge, pigeon, bro, buddy, wife or girlfriend.

What Beth has achieved in her long-in-the-tooth life, is quite amazing since she was ejected from her home planet Mars. Her alien parents were afraid of Beth since she kept grabbing at a light and shining it in her face and striking poses like Zoolander [yes, they get broadcasts from Earth of our movies and TV shows, etc., it's called a satellite and why Howard had to find work in outer space]. She landed in the backyard of the Ostrosky family consisting of one dog that Beth keeps calling "Suzie Dog" since she thought that's what species it was, and a hamster and her two "brothers" who both had very dark hair but the parents wanted them to look like Beth was really a part of the family, so their hair was dyed to match Beth's dull blonde colored hair. Both of Beth's brothers now have gone back to their dark color hair and yet Beth's hair has kept changing from neon blonde to a softer shade of yellow slime with her roots darkened to hide the gray hair growing in since the woman is in full menopause providing she is a woman to begin with, not sure what they are called on her home planet.

Beth showed these childhood photos during her presentation at the
 Purina Pet Summit in 2013 called "Better With Pets".

Photo dated 11-6-15 as Beth insists on
taking these sleeping selfies and posting
them on Instagram where you
can see her arm is outstretched.  Is
this disturbing behaviour
or just stupid behaviour?

It is quite amazing to think about. A dull monster was being raised in Pittsburgh by doting parents and classmates that teased the wretch until she finally grew up and decided to take a drink of Earth's alcoholic beverages resulting in her being suspended from the prom, according to her, for being drunk, something she is still struggling with to this day as she documents on her Instagram site when she tripped and fell in a restaurant in the Hamptons and ended up in the ER with Beth saying it was from too much wine and wearing high heels.

Howard Stern did achieve getting Miss Stupid firmly set up working with one charity plus her own foundation where she gets a total of three salaries. She is (1) chief fundraiser and (2) useless spokesperson for the North Shore Animal League and (3) chief fundraiser for her own foundation Bianca's Furry Friends. Howard Stern needs a work product for his failed company which has at least 112 failed productions, so he has set up an annual cash grab where Howard now markets useless paper products with this Yoda the cat storyline with Beth's name slapped on them when they are made up, phony, stupid stories of zero value to children or anybody with half a brain. 

What about Howard TV? Miss Superstar did a segment with her paid pigeons from NSAL talking about how Beth is an expert at selecting real foster homes for her snatched photo prop cats. Howard TV? Oh, it's gone like anything involving Beth, dead and buried, canceled, thrown in the garbage, toast.

So how tall is Beth the model? Well, readers of this blog know I have brought this issue up before. Miss Model is Misstaken about her height.

Beth tries to compete with the celebs with the Botox smirk: 

But wait, Beth's got the fake boobs like real celebs, so that means she's a superstar, right? Wrong, just cheap wonky implants purchased by her cheap wonky boyfriend from Pittsburgh years ago, the outback guy with the face disfigured in a fire...hmmm, how odd Howard Stern brought up that Beth had a fire, flood, and building collapse when she lived a block from his Manhattan apartment forcing the chubby model to move right in with the aged shock jock and she never left. Lucky him.

Beth has real fans, right? That proves she a real star. Her fan Facebook site boasts a whopping 589 "likes" so those people like Miss Stupid so they will most likely run out and buy her books and continue to fund her lazy ass lifestyle where she does nothing but selfies all day ad nauseam. Yes, being a selfie monster is usually a career for real celebs, teen idols, and people with reality shows, but Beth is a profound nobody but is deemed a model, actress and animal advocate all in print since Howard Stern printed it....go girl, you are a star, a stupid star, but a star in the eyes of your loving husband who visits Stalag Beth during regular visiting hours on weekends with a bodyguard in tow.