Put a Bag Over Beth

Did Howard Stern really buy Bethie
a $100,000 crocodile skin Birkin bag?

We hear a snitch inside Stalag Beth kiss and tell about Beth's new Hermes Birkin Bag made out of genuine crocodile skin as we know she loves the pink dyed animal skins with straps and designer logos stamped on them while claiming publicly to be an animal rights activist but no mention of her rights to wear them as accessories. 

But crocodiles aren't really animals, right? I mean, what are they but purses, briefcases and shoes? Where was Beth during the PETA protest in Los Angeles on July 1? Oh Beth was hogging a television camera on a shitty morning show spouting nonsense that she is an animal activist and an animal advocate pushing kittens around on a floor and forcing them to play with cat toys so she can be filmed for a stale TV show on the Hallmark Channel. 

Good luck being free of the loser Sterns as they are currently employed on D List television shows. Oh, but I hear Simon Cowell is working on ending the Stern gravy train called the "America's Got Talent" (AGT) production and entertainment budget. 

Howard continues to break records tanking the ratings for AGT while Beth is married to the Hallmark Channel and found more footage of the same group of stale kittens running around with cat toys and is repackaged into a baseball game instead of football, which was a 3 hour video loop of the same cats when the Kitten Bowl aired for a second year in a row on Super Bowl Sunday.

Beth was dazed and confused yucking it up on some local crap television show saying how great this static reel of a bunch cats is, and anyone who doesn't have a brain will love watching the Hallmark Channel when Bethie is yelling about some cats playing with cat toys. Hallmark has tons of footage of Beth leftover from two years of that loser Kitten Bowl, so just recycle Beth's CGI image and throw it on the air. Nope, not plugging the date, if you are that sad and lonely, you will find it yourself on the loser Hallmark Channel for menopausal ladies and transgender gentlemen.

Miss Fug Faced is no comparison to the effortlessly gorgeous Heidi Klum, who is endorsing her own line of clothing not staring at a bunch of feral cats all day, rolling around on the floor taking selfies and breaking their bones and calling it charity work while Howard Stern runs and hides from his aged pariah stating he doesn't fuck her without a condom, ha ha, pretty funny, diseased whores never fuck anyone without a condom, right? Oh, that isn't Beth, she only did the BJ's, right? Howard says he views Heidi Klum as a sister, oh, okay, Howard is turned off by women but loves that she-man he married. Howard just moved away from Beth, that's how he deals with the swollen butt face with the mouth like a drunken sailor. 

No comparison Bethie. You are pathetically short while Heidi Klum is effortlessly gorgeous and getting tons of real jobs and her own clothing line.

We hear Beth might have finally found someone who looks older than her and is currently in negotiations to be the spokesperson for ice cream with a shit log in it as Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, was giving it a try at the Hampton Court Flower Show in London on July 1. Lewd ice cream just might be the ticket to stardom for Beth O'Zero Product Endorsements.

Show us your new croco Birkin bag, Beth! Post it on your Instagram site. We are sick of the same designer cattle industry byproducts you carry around. We wanna see some reptile byproducts since we know you eat crocodiles for dinner in Florida after they eat all the feral dogs, cats, and seniors that wander away from their group homes.

Why let all that skin go to waste, right? Croc meat and Clooney wine, sounds like a date night with yourself Beth, in that shell house in Florida where you can't enter and turn on a light or your electric bill will be $10,000. Maybe you and Lois Pope can hide from more lawsuit missiles from family members while Howard takes out kidnapping insurance on you hoping the aliens might take you back to their planet via a wandering satellite to probe your football head and freakish body parts. It could happen.