Fairy Tales are Better than Football

Please! One at a time! 
--Dame Beth-Man

Yes, according to Howard Stern, on Tuesday's satellite radio show when Howard could barely contain his hard-on for Bradley Cooper in his fairy tale "American Sniper" as he salivates over a Hollywood movie so proud his Brad is nominated for an Oscar, duh, I mean, Hollywood is hungry for some male ass on the big screen under 50 years old, but Brad had better hurry up and deliver since he is already the dreaded big 4-0.

Oh, right, then Howard disses football as somehow contemptible in comparison with some faux story about men employed by the U.S. to be snipers. There is no story there, other than a bunch of Hollywood actors doing aerobics on the big screen, just up Howard's alley. But oh, wait, it's about Brad!!! Calm down Howard, you aren't even trying to close those closet doors anymore. We hope Bethie O'Stern's brothers don't take offense since their football scholarships got them into college that led to nowhere, and just how the Football Headed Special Ed Beth got into college is suspect and must have involved tons of free fraudulent dental work from Daddy O, right? Oh, Howard isn't talking about that.

The over-40 Marionette-head will now
have to play a dying mom or a
lesbian to score another Oscar win.

Don't forget Howard fawning over that melon-headed pro-phony Gwyneth Paltrow, handing out gifts to the desperate dogs begging for scraps from anyone from Hollywood....oh, Howard, Gwyneth loves you guys, and Bethie too!! She loves her bank accounts more, as half of everything went Cold in the UK and the US. 

Now Gwynnie is over 40 and desperate to have the public like her as she ferrets out every talk show she can find to prove somehow she gives a damn about the little people. Howard's a sucker, but what can you expect? He has about 12 hours of commercials to read each week in between sending airbrushed photos of Bethie to every tabloid and posting them on twitter and instagram to prove somehow he married some sort of model instead of an aged bar girl.

Buchwald must have paid for
the photog in Mexico for
Brooke instead of the
Sterns this year.

So, did desperate Brooke Shields, who will turn the big 5-0 this year, finally sign with the Buchwald agency? She is getting tons of shitty press items, like a photog following her around a beach and a restaurant sighting at Howard's little "Lure Fish Bar" which makes everyone seasick with that ship's interior decor and stinky fish smelling up the entire restaurant, and of course she had that same shitty appearance at "AOL Build" that Beth O'Nobody did awhile back, I mean, the Stern show cannot be far behind so we can suffer through a 90 minute interview about how Brooke's mom was a drunk. Can't wait.

No photos of Howard and Beth appearing at the annual stale and stinky xmas party at Lure Fish Bar? Hmmmm...a highly placed owl with theater tickets has learned about the fight those two got into before they were leaving for the party that hit a world's volume level record with the neighbors. Reportedly, Beth threatening her usual "falling down the stairs" and sprained/broken ankle routine.

Rare photo of Beth without her hats, wigs and hair extensions.

Beth is on lockdown in the Hamptons  pretending she doesn't want human babies since she can't get pregnant anyway, wearing a hat covering her balding head when Howard won't pay for a stylist just to take a bunch of cats to the vet. Howard is happy as a gay lark in the city in his new digs [new to him] in a neighborhood where someone thought they spotted a few Trollson Twins.

As several online sources are reporting, we see Mick Jagger solved his money problems after his girlfriend took a Gucci scarf and hung herself all dressed in black with product placement sneakers after a private dinner the night before with her 6 foot tall personal assistant, actress Ellen Barkin, L'Wren's lawyer, among others, as Mick decides to not pay any more taxes on L'Wren's floundering fashion design business in the U.K., but sets up a scholarship fund at a design school, London's Central Saint Martins. Way to go Mick, pocket some dough, turn a tragedy into profit.


Finally, weren't we all happy to learn on Howard's satellite radio show that this MENSA member declared he is officially off all his doctor-prescribed meds. Way to go, good thing his daddy's a lawyer with deep pockets. Maybe Gwyneth can play him in a movie on the Lifetime TV network and it will get her an Emmy Award after his manic spree of killing everyone on "America's Got Talent" (AGT). Oh, Howard was fawning over the little guy reminiscing about his AGT appearance. Howard just loves his second job and won't admit all the guest judges that are showing up this year with or without his permission and feigning innocence as the producers scramble for a ratings grab after three years of the STERN ratings sinkhole.

 

Gwyneth is 5'9" in flats, what does
that make Beth? She claims to be
5'10" or 11" depending on
what fake bio you read.

Notice the giant heels Miss Model has to wear to be as tall as Gwyneth who is wearing flats. Yes, Bethie horned in at the "End of Watch" movie screening in 2012 just to meet her idol. I am sure Gwyneth's security team were not too far away.

Are we nearing the "End of Poop Watch" for Howard Stern? Stay tuned all you 21 million SiriusXM subscribers as Howard provides a blow by blow account of his upcoming colonoscopy prep, live on the air. Can't wait for more shit from Stern as he winds down another week of commercials interrupted by an hour interview with some D List loser guest as Robin Quivers tries to stay awake during the broadcast at her remote Jersey Shore location as Stern pushes her farther and farther out into the high seas hoping a ghost ship will pirate her away to Davy Jones' Locker.