Small Doses

Only small doses of reality can creep into Howard Stern's split brain as the split might actually result in a full break. His ex-mommy's court ordered therapy sessions have stopped since his youngest Trust Fund baby is off the books as being a shared property among the birth parents, gestational carriers, surrogates, whatever terms are out there that are considered PC.

But revisiting history is quite fun, and Howard knows all his original audiences from the E Channel era are long gone, so he can say whatever he wants to his current pool of moron listeners, all eight of them. It is common knowledge that the once obscure cable channel thought of hiring Howard to do a sit down interview show, which failed miserably. Howard truly is a moron that kept staring into the camera with a dumb expression and ignoring his guests trying to do a comedy monologue of his own. 


So, E Channel execs installed cameras into the Stern radio studio at the time and just filmed and edited the shows for airing on cable. This was the time period that he became Hollywood Howie and was plugging his book and making his movie. At the turn of the century audiences watching Stern on the E Channel were sick of his shit, and Stern had not produced any work product since his borefest fantasyland movie Private Parts. All he got off the ground since that movie has been the one-shot cable show which was a duplicate of Baywatch. It proved Howard Stern has no original material, he can only copy what has already been done, then insert some 3rd-grader gross out humor and you have the formula for a show that is quickly canceled. 

Mrs. Pretty looking gorgeous;
he now has a wife to do all his
online shopping for him.

Howard has a fertile imagination hidden under that bushel of synthetic dyed corn planted in his head; he had an image in his head that he was mainstream, a player, only to have a bunch of old women chasing after him [Kirkland; Houston; Hahn] not quite the image Stern wanted but those were the women who liked Howard. Poor little Howie, nervous in the bedroom...oh I get too excited...little boy in his mommy's bed trying to have sex with girls and like it.




Now, doesn't Beth fit in with that group? The only exception was that at least Beth was under 40 yrs old at the time of the acquisition and deal:

Oh, Howard had big plans after his movie payday; buying that apartment in the city to indulge in his fantasies in private, not having to go home every night to the basement and lock the door to his sound proof room [oh, he was taping bits for his radio show, it had to be soundproof]. 

Poor Howard, if he were honest with himself it might result in complete withdrawal, not being able to get him to communicate with anyone unless he wore the wig and the dress, which are under lock & key.

According to public statements made by Howard Stern on his radio show, he does not allow his girlfriend, and now wife, Beth O, to take birth control pills; could this be the reason? Did Stern's doctor tell him to not have the pills around the house as a temptation?

So why would Howard need to publicly announce he doesn't want his wife taking the pill? What purpose does it serve? Howard has to prove he can have straight sex and that his aged mare can have a baby, while obsessing about what he is dying to have...like an alcoholic who can't have any liquor yet talks about it constantly.


All Howard's alleged hot nights with Beth never once mention he first has to run to the closet [ha ha] for birth control products, his activities in the bedroom are short scripted stints [like Beth's European modeling career]. Howard's worlds are colliding, and he needs to step back a bit and concentrate on earning hush money. Howard is afraid of acquiring more Trust Funds to feed no matter how Beth plans on achieving the little procreations....add to that Beth is menopausal who never made it past the plus size genre of New Jersey catalog modeling. Howard is under a lot of stress to tap dance in front of everyone that he is still relevant with a young wife who was a supermodel [oh, it was in Europe where no proof exists]. Well, small doses, just hide those birth control pills Beth, it can go both ways, just ask your husband.

Oh, were we speaking about small doses? So, when will we learn how Stern got that television deal with AGT?