Up Front

Yoko Ono in NY 5-12-15.

Miss One Woman Show is back with her brilliant performance art, I mean, how do you top an Apple on a plastic stand what with everyone who copies that, Apple Records, Beth's Apple the cat, and kids named Apple, Yoko Ono is just brilliant beyond words.  Yoko is also a chess master as Howard Stern was into that back in the 1990's during his first hysterical living arrangement called marriage and revived it with his second hysterical living arrangement called marriage with his second wife and the entire world knows Mr. Up Front and Honest is barely treading water trying to keep up with copying everyone else. 

Howard's failed and repeated attempts at taking over late night television have been nothing but comical, just about as funny as all of Howard's wigs throughout the years. Now with the slow exit of David Letterman we can move onto more political humor and the irritating Colbert. I can't wait to not watch Stephen Colbert on late night TV. I guess we still need a self proclaimed democrat on late night TV to poke fun at Republicans, and well, who cares, but Howard couldn't compete with Stephen Colbert in the drag portion of the late night talk show interview competition. 

Chace Crawford and Don Johnson
will star in a new Fall TV series
"Oil" and we hope they have enough
to keep things going smoothly.

The ABC Up Fronts were held in New York and we are so happy [gag] to have Mr. Cross Eyed back on television next fall in a night time soap opera called "Oil" with his male buddy costar. We know Mr. Alleged Money Launderer has problems in the financial district and that's after marrying a fug richy rich socialite from San Francisco. So the guy keeps working so he can have some spending money of his own.

Oh, yeah, Don's wife Kelley looks like loads of fun, 
but a divorce is not an option unless Donny wants to return
about 8 billion in credit notes and securities to a Swiss bank
that he snatched when he was caught driving from
Switzerland into Germany about 10 years ago, allegedly.

Of course not everything is rosy when you marry money as poor Don Johnson is on a strict allowance and has to finance his own alleged threesomes as it was long ago rumored that allegedly Don plays with a boyfriend and is frequently seen buying sex toys to play with the boys and girls. Some prize there, we know his daughter Miss 50 Shades of Grey who looks like her dad in lipstick, learned all those tricks first hand from daddy. See, it all paid off, he launched his boyish daughter into the movie business with a stupid sex movie, I know, it was he and Melanie's daughter, not the richy rich SF socialite but at least the girl knows her business and is getting paid for it.

We got a bit of Beth Tuesday on Howard's satellite radio show with Miss Super Celebrity Bethie having the brilliant idea of Howard gifting that phony painting of a flower he did [as a gift for Letterman's wife] and presenting it on the air during Howard's gawd awful last appearance on the talk show. Hey, pay the super 112 Productions employee $112 for that contribution with 10 percent going to her agent, that smidget Alison Brod [not an irritating shortened name to hide her ethnicity, which is Martian].

Mr. Color Blind paints in color. It's called photoshop and stock images.

Oh, yes, Mr. Howard Copycat got the little boy cowboy hat idea from the original film "Arthur" with John Gielgud as the butler who was in a hospital and Arthur cheers him up with toys and guns and a cowboy hat: "...If I begin to die, please take this off my head", and Stern died big time on the Letterman Show, Monday night.

Howard's unfunny bit with the cowboy hats as he kept saying Letterman 
was retiring to Montana. Poor Don Rickles, the guy deserved his own 
spot with Dave. I love it that Howard's little boy hat is balancing on
top of that thick weaved hairlet that Stern wants us to believe is his real hair.

Why didn't Dave let wild and crazy Beth back on his show? Beth is super famous for choking and terrorizing cats before throwing them from her limo for drive-by dumping of the ferals onto pigeons in New Jersey.

Only 800 people listen regularly to the Howard Stern satellite radio show. Maybe once the aged DJ's contract is up this year, Sirius will consider adding the DavidLetterman100 and DavidLetterman101 channels to its regular line-up to boost subscriptions.