Stigmata Stern

It seems that Howard Stern's bitching about people not wearing masks is finally paying off for the sinking stale Stern satellite radio show that, as reported on the Beth Fan Page, CEO Jim Meyer wants to shove off the main Sirius channels and onto their new podcast service called Simplecast [ref: BFP June 21, 2020].

Everyone knows that Howard Stern is out of his depth with nothing to bargain with except that bargain basement price he is allegedly offering to anyone who will take the Hamptons house off his hands that are as shaky as those boxes of Covid masks he has floating in stormy waters offshore safe and sound from passing icebergs.

As the nation is in a panic over the Covid virus that is currently on tour and everyone is buying tickets to see the show, it's getting pretty hot for anyone not consenting to wearing a mask and they are stigmatized as some sort of Devil who is spreading a deadly disease that only dogs can hear and bats can see. But we all have to wear masks so the infected are not stigmatized. I am surprised the nation is not required to shave our heads in deference to those who lost their hair due to cancer so they won't stick out in crowds and become stigmatized for their illness. We may all have to wear Special Ed helmets whenever we are in public if the mentally handicapped have to so as to not stigmatize them and have them stick out in a crowd aside from Virulent Beth needing her Special Ed helmet when she cleans the corners of her cobwebbed Hamptons house and keeps falling down the stairs as reported on the Beth Fan Page based on what Howard himself has said on the air, how his wife keeps falling down the stairs and tripping over electronic wires all over the place.

Let's not forget, as blogged about before, the aliens can no longer keep their human form and are shapeshifting into reptilians and that's actually what secret sources are saying is why we all have to wear masks; yeah, things might get pretty interesting. I know, it's a cookbook, that's the joke everyone is using now, to serve man, yes, to mask man too and have them ready for the boiling water as they scream like lobsters. Why, you ask, are they having problems dealing with shapeshifting? It's global warming. The humid and hot weather is the perfect ecosystem for reptiles. Howard Stern? Oh yeah.

Howard Stern used to have an enormous beak and tiny chin prior to 1998 when some sources allege he was replaced by a duplicate since the real Stern was crashing and burning and no one could make anymore money off of him once his "Private Parts" sagged into oblivion. Allegedly, he is now a very old man confined to a wheelchair in the basement of his daughter Emily's Temple.

But, sources are spilling tea alleging that Howard Stern has Covid-19. If anyone has been following his stale satellite radio show and this blog, you will notice the Sterns are obsessed with constantly cleaning the mansion. In recent weeks, Beth will sneak inside his basement bunker radio show to push some stale strawberries near Howard on his desk trying to not touch him and attempting to stay six feet from Howard housed inside his basement biome. The basement is a sealed environment and vents can be closed off so the air does not reach the rest of the house. The Sterns make it no secret that Beth can't stop cleaning wherever Howard has been or is a has-been or has been everywhere but Beth tries to contain him in the basement and not have him spread germs all over the house. It seems like Howard has a lot to reveal, yes, the self-proclaimed most honest man in radio could be hiding a secret and apparently that's why he has Dr. Agus on his radio show at least once a month to get a free virtual office visit and have it paid by the Sirius show budget. You know, Howard thinks of everything and can't stand to spend a dime of his own dough, the dough that's left of course after that divorce from his first wife Alison and Howard has been struggling to knead it ever since hoping it will multiply with a ton of yeast thrown in.

Fever Pitch

Feverish Howard Stern needs constant a/c while in

isolation in his basement bunker radio studio.

Excerpts from the June 22, 2020, stale Stern satellite radio show [comments in red are by this blogger]:

Howard: "You hear that noise?"

Robin: "There's actually more than one..."

Howard: "You hear like a lot of like air blowing?"

Robin: "That could be the fans in this room, I could turn those down."

Howard: "Yeah, I think you need to, I think I'm hearing it [or hearing things]."

Robin: "Okay, I'll be right back."

Howard: "I don't know if the fans at home can hear that but it might be in my room. Let me do a little technical test. Let's see if it's you or me." Oh, it's you alright.

Robin: "Did that fix it?"

Howard: "Nah, I think it's me, it's not you." Yes, we know. It's called the Covid Cloud.

Robin: "Aww."

Howard: "Yeah, I know, you had to get up for nothing. I can't tell if I have an air condition vent in this room - well, I guess I do and I put up the air." He put up the air and had no clue? Uh-oh. Hallucination City in the Covid Cloud.

Robin: "Oh, it's your fault."

Howard: "Alright, let me go turn it off. See these microphones are so sensitive that - let's see if I can reach. Yeah, hold on. Except now it's gonna get too hot in here. Man, you don't hear all that?" Still got that fever, huh?

Robin: "I could only hear the fans in here."

Gary [Stern show producer]: "Howard, I'm not hearing anything." Of course not since you don't have the Covid Cloud symptoms.

Howard: "Really? Well, it's driving me nuts." You may need to be committed.

Robin: "I think because you're wearing those headphones that go inside your ear, you can hear a lot of ambient noise."

Howard: "I hear everything that goes on with this show. It just stopped - I turned it off, nice." What? The chip in your brain?

Robin: "Now you'll get hot". 

Howard: " Now I'll be hot. What are you gonna do? Well, good morning, everyone, now that I've fixed that problem even though you couldn't hear it."

======

Howard: "...[Reading] On Thursday due to massive spikes of coronavirus cases, the Governor of California issued a statewide order that all residents must wear masks. [Not reading] Doesn't seem like that big a sacrifice [especially since we have to unload all those mask we invested in from China]."

=====

Howard: " I do again say thank you to Mugsy Jeans for being our sponsor today. And that's it." Don't they give away a Covid mask w/every purchase? Howard will find a way to count his mask inventory as a tax write-off. Ha.

Robin: "Thank you to Charlize Theron." Thank her mom for allegedly murdering dad to finance their trip to Hollywood and push Charlie into films and get her a ton of facial work aside from couch work.

Howard: "Oh, Charlize, yes, and she'll do well with that movie anyway on Netflix [figures], it's right up everyone's alley, super action-packed comic book, it's called 'The Old Guard.' Alright, we'll see you tomorrow. Bye." Just what I want to see. A 50 year old CGI shemale who bought an experimental baby bopping around on Leftflix.


=END=

The Stern Talkhouse

Howard wants to expand his Hamptons basement bunker radio show

to include live bands.

Now Beth may not have to badger The Stephen Talkhouse in the Hamptons to hold her annual animal fundraisers especially with the Covid scare and try and get live bands to perform. It looks like more tax write-offs for the Sterns if they try to unload that Hamptons Hostel at below market value unless Sirius bears the costs of a renovation.

Excerpts from the June 23, 2020 stale Stern satellite radio show [comments in red are by this blogger]:

Howard: "...we're gonna try and get some better cameras down here and get like a better like a set kind of look as opposed to just my basement."

Yes, Howard, we know you will get your own talk show set with live bands if it kills you. Howard might even hire his own basement bunker studio band. He could hire a bunch of chimps and have them bang on drums and play trumpets and finally ditch that "Great American Nightmare" opening song and fire Zombie off the Stern show budget. 

Robin: "So, you're bringing in lights and cameras?" YES, like his own talk show studio, get it?

Howard: "Yeah, because you know it's ridiculous, I look like I'm like fuzzy -." Oh, you're fuzzy alright.

Robin: "I thought you were going for that look."

Howard: "Look, I would rather not be on camera at all [hahahaha]. At this point in my life, I would prefer you guys forget what I look like and we don't have any kind of visual element but we do have an app [he used to say he was on TV], people enjoy it, they enjoy seeing the interviews [because radio is dead]. They especially enjoy when we have a band in which we can't do now. Well, it's kind of weird, I like watch when the late night shows go 'Okay, and now here's Alanis Morissette from her home.' And then they basically cut to like a rock video, it's like pre-produced - not to pick on Alanis Morissette, I haven't actually seen her do this, I was just trying to think of somebody's name ... It's not like a real in-studio performance. So what I loved about our show is that we would be in the studio with a band and there'd be this great interaction and the band would have their instruments and it was a lot of fun so I do miss that aspect of the show. And you know I think having a band somewhere else all set up or they've already pre-taped something doesn't feel like the live element. Yeah, so anyway a team, my team, will be in my basement. I will hide a safe room during the renovation of my studio. I will go into hibernation for like two weeks, I won't even go near it." 

The Sterns are headed to Florida for their Botox bump-ups which coincides with them having to hide and save face from all the July 4th Hamptons party snubs.

Robin: "You're gonna be in a little room in your house hiding."

Howard: "That's right, hiding from the Covid virus. You know the reason I'm having Dr. Agus on today is I am so confused with this Covid virus...". Yes, your monthly freebie doctor appt to check the status of the virus. Howard has to hide from staff coming to his home so as not to infect them, right Howard?

Howard copies from "Seinfeld" when Kramer buys the Merv Griffin set
and puts it inside his apartment and does his own talk show. Maybe
now Sirius can buy the old Merv Griffin set for Howard's basement
bunker radio show and video app since Howard is obsessed with
having his own talk show format like Merv or Johnny or a host of
other famous TV hosts, a world Howard Stern could never crash.

Paid Commercial:

Howard: "By the way, Robin told us about this vacuum cleaner called the Shark that she was using. And Beth said, 'Oh, Robin say it's good' so she immediately got [sent] one [for free]. And wow, what a vacuum cleaner." What happened to Swiffer and Roomba paid plugs? Beth even taped a Swiffer plug on her IG filmed by Howard.

Robin: "Isn't it. I'm telling you, I could be one of those people who recommends household appliances." Yes, Howard, she needs more cash for these on-air plugs.

Howard: "Yeah, now you can. Before you were very not involved because she wasn't cleaning anything. Now she's like a cleaning maniac and she said 'You gotta try the Shark.' So I vacuumed with the Shark the other day, it is crazy."

Okay, enough of this "Shark" commercial. It goes on too long.

Onto another Kramer copycat segment inspired by a "Seinfeld" episode:

Howard: "... I mean, of all the things I miss pre-Covid, it ain't going to a movie theater, that's at the bottom of the list. I mean, I always hated being around people talking and eating and coughing their way through movies. I broke down and went to see one of the Spider-Man movies or maybe it was Iron Man, I don't know which one ... I acted like I was disabled with a speech impediment [Howard made sounds like a deaf person makes when they try to speak] in order to get people to move away from me. I put my hoodie on so I would look like a gangster. This guy was gonna sit near me with his kids and I was like 'fuck' and then I just went [he made strange noises] and they moved. People are very afraid of disabled people I learned. It's the greatest thing you can do in a movie theater [really?], just sit there and go [he made strange noises]. .... I should have won an Oscar for my performance....". Yeah, good luck with that fantasy that won't die.

Kramer is mistaken as being disabled since he could hardly talk since coming from the dentist office and he was wearing giant sneakers that made him look like he had trouble walking like a mentally challenged person might. He happens to meet Mel Torme in a cab and takes Kramer to his benefit for mentally challenged adults. Episode called "The Jimmy". Yeah, Howard's watched all of these and gets content from "Seinfeld".

=END=

Stargirl Stern

Howard's paid plug for a loser cable TV show that results in fireworks.

Excerpt from the June 24, 2020, stale Stern satellite radio show [comments in red are by this blogger]:

Howard: "I was up a little late because there was a new episode of 'Stargirl' on the CW that I had to watch. It is so embarrassing you know I like to admit embarrassing things on the radio, it just shows my vulnerability. 'Stargirl,' I'm watching every episode and I should really be ashamed of myself." ...for taking money to plug this turkey.

======

Ralph: " Hey I gotta ask, I saw it in the news but it's a real thing, can you hear this out where you are, every night for the last couple of weeks there's a barrage of fireworks and it's really weird because it's like gun fire." Beth finally hired that sniper?

Howard: "Let me mention that. Ralph, I'm actually glad you brought that up [since it's a planned segment]. I was about to run out of here [to Florida] but I will mention this, there is something going on particularly in Manhattan - I know Ralph you live near Manhattan [inside my apartment]."

Ralph: "Yeah, but it's in Jersey City, too, it's not that I'm hearing it in the city you know it's right down the street somewhere. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!"

=END=

Hamptons Magazine Snubola Update:

Beth Stern continues to be ignored by Hamptons Magazine this season and they even had a "Best Dressed" feature and Beth couldn't take it and staged her own little dress up on her Stale-O-Gram site with her cat comparing how they looked in the same old-lady dress, with the cat just velcroed to the dress so it wouldn't budge and forced to participate in Beth's aberrant photoshoot playing model on IG.

Get ready for a few of the real "Best Dressed" as featured in the current issue of Hamptons Magazine as shown above with The Chainsmokers. Poor Beth may never get into the magazine, not even the loser editorial pages, if she can't get Howard to get on the horn and get her back at the parties.

Sound familiar?

 

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