Safe Passage

I have talked about this before, but as we keep hearing or experiencing unexpected acts of violence around the globe, you may want to book a flight with the Hero of the Stupid, Beth O'Stern. I know I have taken it upon myself as a Dame to take the title away from Howard Stern's former employee Stuttering John Melendez but I feel it is within my realm of authority especially since John doesn't work for Howard anymore I think there is a job vacancy with that position and who else is better to fill that stupid void than Howard's wife? 


I know, some say she is a lightning rod away from Howard so people won't notice he is a loser that keeps getting a shot at television via certain past hair brained connections and it fails every time. So there you go, sometimes shit happens and Howard is the biggest shit right now having been thrown back to the East Coast and scrambling for his next chess move and is channeling Bobby Fischer in the afterlife but Howard needs to tell his ancestors to stop pestering him as to the backstory of how he got stuck with the O'Claninsky herd and let him talk to Bobby.

Maybe Bobby can tell Howard how that deal is going with Netflix? Weren't they in talks with Howard about airing that hilariously dull Howard TV? It is hours and hours of dull scripted interviews with aged celebs desperate to plug their stale work products and of course, there are the immensely dull and stupid interviews with Howard and Beth, where they brag to each other about how famous they are and see how many star names they can drop into their boring banter. 

Well whatever god you worship or don't worship, or if you believe in fate and the cosmos and whatever, "it" always seems to take pity on the profoundly stupid idiot moron dullard irritant assholes in this world and grant them safe passage through this life to bother other people ad nauseam. You know, the people who seem to have a superiority complex and who believe they were models equal to all the top models we commonly hear and know about, like Heidi Klum, Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, or they cry and cry that they could have had a huge career as an actress and conjured up a fantasy in their football heads that real stars were jealous of them and stepped on their chance at stardom. 

What happened, Beth, to your audition tape?

Like, oh, to pull a name out of a hat, they believe they could've been equal to Amanda PEET, who dissed Howard big time when he approached her for a date according to alleged insiders. Or, that years ago Howard tried to get Beth a job in the waitress role on the TV series "Mad About You" played by Lisa Kudrow with the buttinsky finally getting a stint on "All My Children" as a waitress but she was so stiff and amateurish it was difficult to tell if it was her boyfriend or her father who paid to get her the part and she was quickly terminated from the show for being incapable of understanding the meaning of "acting" and not coming across to viewers as a psychotic bitch.

Beth in the back as a scary waitress on All My Children.
She failed at getting the regular bit part as the
snarky waitress on Mad About You.

If you want a bubble of safety around you, travel with Beth O. I realize even Howard Stern does not follow my advice and actually avoids her any chance he gets since he is dealing with other issues and trying to keep a falling satellite in the air and supporting dozens of non-earning family and relatives to keep them from dashing to the nearest tabloid and who might confirm that Howard wears women's clothing in his private life on a daily basis. I mean, that would be a great story, right? I would pay to read the details and how Howard keeps his "stylist" on the payroll for decades, Ralph Cirella, who obviously can't style his way out of a paper bag. His ensembles are just a bunch of clothes he piles on Howard, throwing at him whatever he can tie on or hold together with scarves, buttons, belts, whatever, but Ralph's outfits for Howard always look like weird shit after smoking something that may or may not be legal in your state. He is a stylist only to Howard, so get a clue, what is Ralph being paid to do? No comment.

Happy Sunday to all Beth Fans, no matter who or what you believe in, I believe in love.