East Coast Pigeon

Howard Stern is campaigning to hang on to his dead career by waking up a few writers and handing out some xmas cheer to get articles about himself printed in the East coast newspapers and online since he is fighting to stay relevant and on the satellite airwaves with a contract with SiriusXM expiring this month. Howard denies receiving annual pay cuts yet we think that long line of employees over the past 10 years with a pink slip stuck in their mailboxes would argue differently aside from Stern cutting the work hours of existing leftover staff and having a lot of the show pre-recorded so Stern can batch his little radio job within a few days a week.

But to stay on a satellite, all Stern has to negotiate with is his stupid legacy that he keeps trying to rewrite and to reinvent himself when all he has accomplished is being a scripted stooge working for a corporation and trying to trip a few celebrities wandering around the SiriusXM building and dragging them into his studio for a stale scripted interview. Oh, we can't insult the celebrities, Howard has had to clean up his stupid moron act or he would be sitting in an empty studio with only Robin's wig to stare at propped on a microphone since she telecommutes now and sits home on her motorized couch going back and forth to the fridge while making up stories about surviving staged cancer.

The Idiot revealed on Monday's satellite radio show that he doesn't know if he has a new contract with SiriusXM or not. Well, he is an idiot. Not much else you can expect other than a bunch of copies of the Yoda the cat books on your desk with a card that says a donation has been made to Bianca's Furry Friends (BFF) in your name so Howard Stern's wife can get her salary paid in full for another tax quarter as the fundraiser and spokesperson for her BFF personal selfie foundation.

The state of the Stern radio show is stale, moldy bread that needs to be thrown in the garbage, it's all boring garbage at this point. Does Sirius care? Nope, they gotta fill the channels with something. It's all about subscriptions to a service not to Stern, he has no ratings and can't face it. Lick it up Howard and swallow it, you have no ratings, your listeners can only be counted via a phony poll your company sends out to subscribers. Reality Howard Stern. You were so relevant you were kicked off free radio 16 years ago and before that, the terrestrial radio syndication deals were being canceled across the nation. Howard is on his way to being the world's oldest radio fart in the United States and right now, he really stinks.

Howard paid for this stunt. How do you like
your General Chen Chicken, Howard?  I see you
are forced to kiss her ass publicly, on the radio
or if you or any of the Stern crew [which includes
your wife] do her show. But I suppose her ass
is better than eating crow, right? You married that.

Old man Howard is now relegated to being a stupid tourist attraction for anyone in the NY area and for any dismal TV talk show that broadcasts from the East is forced to take Howard Stern or one of his enormously stupid employees which includes his football headed wife. Why? Howard is a fixture, a fossil, an oddity. Oh, and you wonder why Howard kisses Julie Chen's ass with a bit of soy sauce on the side every chance he gets? It was because of that old lawsuit filed by her husband Les Moonves who sued Stern's flabby ass for promoting Sirius satellite radio on his terrestrial radio show ad nauseam and lying on the air that he was not sure if he was going to Sirius satellite or not, etc., when Stern had already signed a contract. Everything was settled out of court and guess what? Part of the settlement agreement was that Howard was required to publicly kiss the prize ass and wig of General Chen, Les's wife. Les set her up with the talk show he created for her called "The Talk" which is just a bunch of hags reading from news headlines to avoid lawsuits and they have a guest spouting some big opinion that means nothing and has zero impact on anybody. It is a softball shit show for a bunch of losers with no cable television and who actually might be on lock down in a group home. Most recently of course, their prize balloon head guest was the gaseous Robin Quivers with the hilarious new wig made out of fried cheese whiz.

Beth is still harassing the public with her garbage books and fighting to keep herself relevant with her cat club fans and they are posting all kinds of support comments on the web for the inebriated looking wife of Howard Stern who does zero with her life but point a camera in her face. All proceeds to Beth's big life go straight into her BFF selfie foundation and her children's books are ghostwritten trash designed to teach children to give rich people money who live in the Hamptons that refuse to spend a dime of their own cash to build a cat adoption center at their charity, the North Shore Animal League with fathead Beth as their big chief fundraiser as long as the funds don't come out of their personal stash.

Beth the selfie monster is still obsessed with being a mom and pretending she can't even take a break to go to the bathroom and is so busy playing mommy to a bunch of cats that she doesn't live with. I mean, in that they are all locked in a separate portion of her prison camp, Stalag Beth in the Hamptons. She visits them, has her paid servants throw them on her body for a photo session, it's all fake and phony, Beth does zero. She stumbles into the kitten room for a boring day of sticking cats in her face and posts boring selfies on Instagram for a bunch of cat clubbers who have no clue who Beth Stern is other than a demented barren Hausfrau. Then her maids let her personal cats out of their room and they scamper terrified to the kitchen to suffer through a photo session before they are overstuffed with food to shut them up for another 12 hours with a few of the cats posed on a counter top so Beth has some content for her boring Instagram site. It's all drivel, all bullshit, but then, Howard Stern is the King of the Bullshit and his wife is his chosen Queen of Bullshit. 

Pins and needles, as Stern's big fan base can't wait to find out if their Hero of the Boring and Old will continue on that stale satellite that keeps getting lost in space costing hundreds of thousands of dollars to keep shooting them into the stars so America can hear a bunch of pre-recorded interviews with stale aged celebrities.