Thirty One

Nope, not Beth's IQ while trying to remain vertical for more than two hours at one time [her horizontal IQ goes waaay lower than that anyway since she was a groupie scoring nothing but some chalk to circle dead bodies on the pavement for the NYPD] it's Rob Zombie's film 31, that finally got its R rating so that it can be shown nationwide in theaters following its debut this month at the Sundance Film Festival in Utah, the home of the Mormons who love zombies and their private basements filled with coffee beans [and not the decaffeinated kind either; walk on the wild side].

Was Beth Robbed Zombied? What happened to her super sleuth agents that ferret out work for the greasy scary clown faced Beth? You know, Alison Brod and the cutie pie couple Mullett and Bloomfield? 

Howard likes to pretend he visits Hell in the Hamptons with all his headless selfies when he is just recovering from his latest round of surgery, this time that chin realignment surgery that Howard said was actually getting his bottom bat teeth veneered or whatever the hell he was trying to say on his stale satellite radio show this week. I don't know who pieced this photo together, but Howard has a tiny right arm and an enormous monster left hand. A hard line is plainly shown on the tiny right arm where the photo was cut out and pasted into a background. The photo is shopped and cropped and then uploaded by Howard's assistant in his Village apartment, you know, that young cute photog assistant that is also the coffee gopher. Hey, Howard might need to purchase another dog to complete the phony story line for neighbors who might leak info to gossip sites [oh, he's just Howard's dog walker...it could work].

Phony photo posted on Beth's Instagram 1-7-16 to somehow prove that Howard visits her in Hell Town.

Old fart radio will return to SiriusXM on January 15 with the stale Billy Joel music channel where he said he will also act as a DJ. Fasten your seat belts as you ride that slow-mo staircase lift to your bedroom to hear Billy's stale songs. Oh wow. The old windbag keeps banging on those piano keys until the Piano Humane Society shows up to free the keys from the clutches of the desperate to remain sober Joel, with zero new music since his ghostwriter has gone to the moon or to the nearest saloon, who knows, who cares.

Beth had another freak faced meltdown at Stalag Beth on Thursday when Facebook had the nerve to remind her she had a cat named Apple. Beth is trying to forget the fiasco that was Apple, and has yet to set up a foundation for the cat like she did with that fat bulldog she incinerated and then had her publicity team create that do-nothing foundation called Bianca's Furry Friends. Apple failed to catch on with the public since it wasn't a purebred anything and no one cared about a dull cat, so onto the cat Yoda with the plagiarized name from Star Wars.

FIle a lawsuit, Howard, and get Facebook fired!! Who told Facebook to have a memory feature?! But we know how that lawsuit went against Don Imus when he did an on-air skit saying that Beth was a bimbo with herpes and Howard backed down like a sniveling scared coward up against the Mighty Imus. Right, there was no lawsuit and Beth is still wondering how Imus knew her secrets.