Take the Money and Run

Beth and Howard Stern are using other people's money to allegedly build a useless kitten adoption center at a dumping ground on the North Shore of Long Island for a bunch of rich assholes who need to rid their properties of those feral felines that bother their plants and injure their birdy birds since, well, they're starving and try and snatch a bird or two. Oh right, happy homeowners need to keep their properties clear so the garbage from the Hamptons shoreline can have an unobstructed path to their swimming pools and not be stopped by any dead or dying feral cats or wildlife like Pelicans with their frizzy weaves in the sand desperate to be taken siriusly as a talk show host since he is jelly of Letterman, Carson, and Leno, and probably Fallon too but he blocks him out since he's light years younger than Beth and Ralph. We could all be free of Beth's stupid little press tours to promote herself and those shit books she peddles like a desperate housewife whose husband is running just ahead of the tax man if she would just finance a kitten center herself in the Hamptons. But she keeps spearheading the fundraising efforts and it's an excuse to make herself famous and appear on television and in paid publicity items across the Internet. 

Bethie press released her selfie foundation in 2013 after she overfed her bulldog Bianca to death and had it incinerated in July 2012, while Howard Stern was too terrified to visit Crazy Town in the Hamptons to say goodbye to his alleged beloved bulldog since all that is beloved in Howard's world is Howard. Oh, it was during the work week right? He had to tape that summer filler show "America's Got Talent" in 2012 when his bulldog was thrown on the barbie. He claimed to love that dog and conjured up a bunch of stupid tears on the air and got press mileage out of it [believe it or not, a dog of Howard Stern dying got press, and I think that proves that the press runs on payola, my gosh, oh yes, a dog died, okay]. Somehow Beth had the big idea that she was a sexy urn model. Yes, that is Bianca in that over sized urn since Beth said it at the time Howard did these stupid photos for Whirl Magazine [notice the crematorium to the left in the photo]. Beth is a demented screwed up wignut with a few nuts and bolts missing from that giant missile head.

Beth is mentally disabled and thought
she was raising a pig instead of a
bulldog and kept feeding it garbage
until it exploded.

Howard pretended to be broken up about his dog and played dramatics yet didn't have time to pay a visit to his dying dog and let Frau Beth handle the whole thing and we see how that went. She wouldn't even wait for Howard's youngest daughter to get into town and say goodbye to HER dog. Yes, it was always Ashley's dog until Brunhilda Beth hijacked the whole story line and turned it into all about her and the reason the doorman in the Manhattan building where Howard moved after getting his Private Parts paycheck, got sick and tired of holding that goddamned door open for Beth a dozen times per day while she screeched "Don't you know who I am???", with the standard reply "no" and he let the door smack into that giant fug face. Oh right, everyone heard this story already from Beth, only Miss Fairytale had to change it up a bit. She was in an elevator going to a model casting call and a jealous model smashed Beth's face into the side of the elevator since she just knew Beth would get the job over her and had to sabotage Beth due to jealousy, what else. Poor Bethie, does she believe these stories she makes up? I happen to think she does. She's just a bad seed.

Keep collecting those public donations Beth as we watch what happens to the money. Beth "donates" her author's fees to her own foundation instead of just donating her own cash. Nobody is asking for these stupid books she pretends to write. Beth has been a useless fundraiser for about three years since no one will just give Beth cash, imagine that. How much money from your personal bank account goes to any charity, Beth? Nothing, right? Oh, right, the public has to buy your books and the public funds the kitten adoption center with Beth taking credit and slapping her foundation's name on it. 

Beth is still doing those drive-bys to a bunch of pigeons who never heard of local animal shelters to rescue an animal, nooo, they need a pseudo foster bogus billionaire's wife to pose in a stupid photo with them and praise them for taking her photo prop rejects.

We see Robin Quivers looks bankrupt for what, the third time in her life? She is now getting free wigs from the Raggedy Ann Dolls With Cancer Foundation since that thing on her head doesn't look like human hair. As a staged cancer side effect she got her face pulled back and botoxed but has that bulging skin she needs to get hacked off under her chin. I guess that will happen during her next staged illness, maybe she should try a mental illness this time since she runs on crazy anyway and has nothing to do but threaten Howard with a ghostwritten book of compiled interviews from people out of his dull past. As Linda Ronstadt told off Robin Quivers on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno many years ago, Robin is a shill for Howard and is being used, well, Robin is a melon headed moron, I mean who else would shill for Howard? Oh right, aside from his wife.

Can you talk talk? Robin needs to be placated or she will be sending Book Version #1 to the publisher instead of the watered down version praising Howard Stern and that wig pet that lives on his head. Oh and what about all the failed IVF treatments for Beth? Oh right, Howard said, I think, on Wednesday's satellite radio show that he was glad he never had boys, well duh, I think test tube babies are always girls and IVF is a mixed bag of treats that you deselect and keep only the good ones, twins, right Beth? Give me a break here, does any reality seep into that brillo pad on his head? And we all know the vicious gossip that Beth is a guy, I would never say that, don't look at me, "they" said it.

Whenever the TV show "The Talk" is in New York, they get saddled with one of the Howard Stern stooges to keep his name in the press. The fixture of New York, the tourist attraction, the aged DJ who won't leave the radio airwaves and wants to be the oldest dying radio talk show host and phony phone call King in history. I know, no competition there. What old man is obsessed with phony phone calls? A demented weirdo who thinks the world wants to hear him talk up his aged wife and their planned sex sessions. Well, give Beth a break here, I mean, let the girl practice her craft. It's how she got where she is today, collecting cash from her public.

This lamb chop needs to trim the fat. Back to the "cancer" doctor...

Happy Thursday Beth Fans. We can't wait to see the Horninsky's crash Cabo again and are forced to be paying guests of Justine and Jen and the Kimmels....Beth has to see the baaaaby! Howard can pretend he will be producing his own retirement show and have to get a script written with Jimmy and get the whole vacay written off as a Sirius business expense. Gotta hand it to Stern, that mouse is busy on that wheel inside his head.