Stupid Beth Tricks

Howard Stern is so obsessed with the fact David Letterman has retired and Howard can no longer prance on his show in drag, that he should plagiarize the "stupid pet tricks" segment of the show and have a weekly live stream on the Internet of Beth's stupid tricks. You know, Miss Monkey Brains who hops around like a chimp on crack bouncing off the walls of her prisons, three of them now, Manhattan, The Hamptons and in Florida, all set-up and specially designed selfie rooms where she locks a bunch of cats in a room and completely ignores them. She only visits them to throw them around her closets filled with animal slaughter industry byproducts to take their photos and then throws them back into the kitten rooms when she is done.

Beth employs maids to throw food in the cats' cages and they do clean litter boxes. Beth will clean them when it's her whim and fancy to wobble into the kitten room after tripping over that little carpet inside the room [she does it all the time] and claims she is doing tons of charity work by spotting shit in a litter box and scooping it up in record time. She then stumbles her way back to the kitchen to have another whiskey shot and then goes back into the kitten room to throw some kittens on a cat tree and photograph them and poof! Beth is gone again. She finds her way to a couch to pass out and snore [meditate] until the maid rouses her because it's bath time for the stinky Beth who keeps needing those sitz baths for god knows what reason. She then meanders with a half filled wine glass to her "office" [insert laughter] to get on the Internet to block negative and bad people from her social media sites [the ones not paid to praise the selfie bitch] and then phones Howard to ask about her schedule of upcoming TV appearances but for some reason Howard can't be reached...they don't live together but sometimes pose together.

Simon [pictured with his son]
is jealous of Howard, as Howard stated
on his satellite radio show more than once.
Where's your son Howard? Waiting
on the tarmac in Russia?

We love the photos on the Internet of Beth flying high on Jesus Juice all revved up and sitting on the tarmac going nowhere fast in her big career of marrying a stale shock jock who has had a waaay too long career and waaaay too many chances at appearing on television but you know, loudmouthed DJ's have a lot of info they gather on a bunch of people over the long years. Stern never sleeps, he is up around the clock exhausted from badgering producers, looking in windows, hiding in closets, hiring buddy guards, you name it, Howard has done it, and that's why it is hoped all his information has gotten so old it's no longer considered secret and he can't use it to barter for jobs. For example, Howard knew Howard Cosell wore a wig and kept it a secret, not much there to bargain with, and what about how Howard knows that David Spade scores hookers [male and female] for his buddies? Well, this info was already leaked on the Crazy Days and Nights dot net website, plus, Spade isn't a TV or movie producer or media mogul so who cares. 

Jen & Justine on their honeymoon in Bora Bora
where a guest of the honeymooners washed ashore
dead, after the Jen Couple left the island.

Howard has to ferret out the fact Simon Cowell is jealous of him! That's it, that's the ticket to getting back on TV. Oh wait, Simon moved his TV show "America's Got Talent" back to LA, hmmmm, what else can get to Simon to make him jealous, hmmmm, Beth has to finally have a b-a-b-y. Oh wait, Simon has one already, and a BOY. I know, Beth can have TWIN boys!!! Well, she's got the hips for it and those thunder thighs but we think the selfie monster has let that ship sail, that is if she can sail in the first place or if her dingy gets in the way. Beth found out that babies aren't born via airbrushing. Well, surrogate city is a must in this case but Howard can't afford it aside from the fact, where could Beth hide the surrogate? But getting a baby is the only way to get more dough out of Stern with less dough going to the Trust Fund cabal. 

In other news, funny girl Barbra Streisand is going back behind the camera directing a biopic about Catherine the Great. WOW, okay, great. Barbra the Great! Go get em' Barb, you deserved those Golden Globe awards for best performance by an actress for your film Yentl and for directing the film as well.

Beautiful Barbra was presented with the Presidential Medal of Freedom on November 24 while Howard Stern was presented with nothing.

Queen Latifah stood out as the star performer in the live television broadcast of The Wiz where she was the star attraction with an incredible singing voice and is an amazing talent while the rest of the production was kind of dull.

Happy Freaky Beth Friday, Beth Fans!