Old Fart Facts

Howard Stern is never going to retire from his stale satellite radio job with that mouse on the wheel forever employed as long as the corporate cloud exists and they continue to fund corporate stale music channels that play the same group of songs on a loop or those stale broadcasts of The Today Show or those stale talk shows hosted by every aged moron with or without a TV show like Jenny McCarthy, the freakish plastic surgery specimen that has more miles on her than Beth's bedroll. Andy Cohen plugs his TV shows on Sirius with his new radio show since it costs Sirius about zero to have these fatheads with the ego talk about themselves nonstop since commercial free subscription service satellite radio is filled with commercials. But most of the aged fossils on satellite are like Howard Stern, they refuse to retire and refuse to stop bothering the airwaves causing static and ending insomnia across the nation [well, that's one good thing except some people listen to that boring Stern while driving so that's dangerous and his show should come with a warning not to try and stay vertical while listening].

Howard sees big press releases in his future and can't wait to release all his scripted crying when Robin Quiver's bulbous Botox head finally explodes from the impact of her life long struggle with money and lying about her past as a prize bitch who was asked to leave the Air Force or face being used as a missile in the Bay of Pigs, or how about when Howard's parents buy the farm and join their cousin of a cousin whose aunt knew someone that read about someone dying in the Holocaust, oh yes, Howard has the scripts ready to go and he is dying to be more sincere than Simon Cowell when he recently lost his mom. Howard has years of self exploitation to come and Beth is chomping at her bit with excitement over the years ahead of badgering the public for donations to her nonsense foundation, Bianca's Furry Friends, that funds nothing but her hopes and dreams of fame.

Well if Wednesday's Howard Stern stale satellite radio show was not enough to get listeners all ready for five more years of boredom in between yelling at the public to GIVE BETH MONEY by buying her fairytale made up shit books since Howard Stern's wifey Bethie is the chief fundraiser and useless spokesperson for the North Shore Animal League (NSAL) where she begs for money so the rich assholes in the Hamptons don't have to fund their own kitten shelter, and Beth is also the Chief Butthead Jackass of her own foundation Bianca's Furry Friends (BFF) that is collecting public donations to build that cat adoption center since the rich Hamptonites refuse to fund it themselves. 

Oh yes, Howard Stern was on his old fart soap box closing out another 12 months of nothing on his satellite radio show and badgered the public for money to give to rich people in the Hamptons while begging for listeners for the next five years on SiriusXM and begging for views of his proposed video on demand, as if no one has heard of this. Get your head out of Ralphella's ass, Howard, it will be 2016 and not 1985 with old fart shock jock radio. Get a clue, you are not getting anyone to pay a dime more than what they already subscribe to with their SiriusXM package providing there are any real subscribers left anyway. It's all corporate, all the companies are paying to pipe that shit into their corporate offices for free to their cubicle jockeys. Any real subscribers pay for a service, not the Howard Stern show and that's why Howard is safe and happy spinning on a satellite, no real ratings only listener polls and estimates.

Howard can't stop working, he is supporting too many non-earning family members. Oh yes, a mole is talking and Howard's wigged weaves are fighting with the bleached blonde wig out in the Hamptons and it will get hairy if he doesn't do something to mediate that selfie monster and start working that mouse in his head and figure out how to minimize the risk called Beth O'torsky. Howard thinks that talking up that wife on his radio show will finally get that aged sausage legged selfie model a show on television after over 15 years of failure trying to make her famous. OH MY GOD, GET A NEW RECORD [sounds like another title of Beth's shit books], oh gosh, everyone wants Beth on their television show! Howard has the nerve to repeat this on the air, he's got some guts there but not much above that. Everyone but Beth knows she and Howard have zero options other than a radio dial. Oh gosh, Howard re-signed with Sirius [note to Howard, no one took that bet, we all knew it was Sirius or a sirius Depends cushion at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons unless you want to hide for the rest of your life in your village digs with that frizzy headed lifetime partner who thinks he's a stylist, my gosh, let me die laughing here]. Oh yes, big fucking news, folks, Howard re-signed his Sirius contract and will come up with a way to get paid twice once again, with filming his dull radio show, rocket radio, I need to see a plaid old fart on a couch droning on and on about his latest rehash record with Howard hiding behind a giant microphone hoping his weave doesn't get stuck in the wires.

Beth happily shows her stupid
cat club followers where the donations
to her foundation are going. Hey, a
useless spokesperson and big cheese
fundraiser has to look good while
badgering the public to fund
a Hamptons cat shelter since no
one else if paying for it, certainly
not Beth or Howard.

Howard re-signed with that stale satellite company and they will be stuck with him until they finally commit corporate suicide and will be free of Stern and his stupid wife with the children's books designed to teach kids to give rich people money with no return on the investment unless you want to see how your donations are spent, Beth gladly shows her pigeon public her latest Gucci rescue and her closets filled with animal slaughter industry byproducts and laughs in everyone's faces when she claims to be an animal advocate or activist, pick one Beth, then go pick which Birkin bag you will go bar hopping with as you have done zero with all the public donations to your bogus foundation BFF but allegedly give it to NSAL to build what? Who knows, it is some building for cats that Beth has talked about since the death of the bulldog she overfed years ago.

The power of Howard Stern's frizzy permed weave - yaaaawwwnnn. Get a new grifter gimmick, Howard, this is stale stuff, no one is paying extra to see your shit let alone listen to it.