The Man That Got Away

The night is bitter, the stars have lost their glitter,
The winds grow colder and suddenly you're older,
And all because of the man that got away.

The road gets rougher, it's lonelier and tougher.
With hope you burn up, tomorrow he may turn up...

Where and when did it all go wrong for Beth? The pudgette from Pittsburgh whose bookworm mom thought herself a model and pushed her only daughter into the limelight of mall shop fashion shows and dreamed one day that her darling dolt would be the toast of New York instead of just toast sitting on an empty plate at a prison camp for feral kittens while all the famous men, real or imagined, got away from her and ended up with a dinosaur on pay radio.

Howard saved his failing career after being kicked off free radio with his syndication deals finally drying up across the nation since the shock jock DJ days were long gone and he refused to change his format until finally going to the corporate world of stale satellite where his show consists of Howard talking about being alone constantly and pleasuring himself to faux underage porn, reading endless commercials on the air and plugging his wife's animal charity calendars, books, and junk jewelry, followed up by coffee talk with the celebs with dead careers parading into the studio on a dull endless treadmill. In the meantime, wife #2, Bethie O'NotFamous sits in her own home in the Hamptons, Stalag Beth, obsessed with kitty litter pretending she has a life while rolling around on the floor and having the hired help post tons of useless photos of herself in various stages of insanity along with endless useless photos of the cats that she holds up and delays their adoption by several weeks because otherwise Beth would have no content for her media sites.

According to various hints, name-dropping, insinuations, chit-chat and outright lies, listed below are some of the men that got away from Beth and she has been spinning into a vortex of nothing ever since they got away. Now she has to worship Howard Stern since she has no alternative but going back home with mom and her absentee dad who loves to troll around Pittsburgh in his black Hummer trying to stay out of a federal prison. 

Notice Beth could have adapted to any man, changing her looks and expressions to mirror the men who eventually got away from her fantasy world.

Here we go: 

This man who got away is a winner alright. Beth stated publicly that her mom thought it was Mel Gibson that Beth captured, not Howard Stern. Gossip sites allege that Mel G habitually cheated on his first wife and refused to let her use birth control; allegedly abused alcohol and underage Thai hookers, he has a shoe fetish and a B.O. problem, as in Beth O? I will leave that up to you to figure out.

Both Howard and Beth lusted after this guy who got away. This was the second guy Beth said her mom thought she captured instead of the aged loser dinosaur on the radio. Yes, Brad Pitt was married too at the time like Mel was, but Beth goes after married men and she will get her pay day one way or the other. Gossip sites allege that Brad's another one with a B.O. [Beth O?] problem and he used wear a chicken suit for El Pollo Loco fast food restaurants before he scored in Hollywood, allegedly plays for both teams while allegedly throwing Gwyneth Paltrow out of bed for refusing to give him oral. Poor guy allegedly has herpes too.


Howard used his connections to get Beth her big movie break with a two-minute part in the Ben Stiller film "Flirting With Disaster". Beth wished she dated this guy as Howard inferred that she did. Stiller would have made Beth a star by sticking her face in all his movies. Gossip sites allege Ben is an uptight prick who abuses Botox and is a closeted $cientologist, but so is Howard, right?

This alleged autistic boy could've been Beth's alleged autistic boy had she snagged this comic fixture of late night television who has recently retired. Gossip sites allege that David Letterman is neurotic and frequented secret, private brothels in New York a few blocks from where he taped his late night talk show. Beth stated publicly that she would have dated Letterman had he asked her out. Howard claims Letterman fired Beth from her job as a skit girl on the show because she was dating Howard.

Beth can blend in with any celebrity's lifestyle as shown here:

Last but not least, is the winner Howard Stern. Notice how Beth mirrors the way Howard poses. This is a pro girflriend, folks. Howard claims that Beth dated a bunch of millionaires and had her pick of men and she chose him. Because of Howard, Beth is featured regularly in the financially strapped New York Daily News trying to make her famous. Since the constant Beth promotion with the huge photos of Beth taking up entire pages, the tabloid has taken a sharp downward spiral into bankruptcy as it lays off staff and seeks a buyer for the paper. Will Howard buy the tabloid for his rarely vertical trophy hound? It can be renamed The Beth Daily News and feature a million fuzzy iPhone photos of Beth by Howard.

Well, what about other ladies whose best years are behind them as their yoga pants increase in bandwidth and their marriages circle the drain? The massive plastic surgery specimen who shaves a few years off her real age, Megan the Fox, has filed for divorce from her D List hubby Brian Austin Green. Gossip sites allege that what really broke up their marriage was Brian's addiction to hiring male prostitutes to play with while his wife lays around the house in bandages hiding from photogs until she heals. 

Happy Saturday, Beth Fans. Remember, life is short and so are Beth's legs in spite of what Howard Stern says. You have probably already read that Simon Cowell is planning to sign the contracts in a few weeks to take over Howard's job as a judge on America's Got Talent (AGT). Cowell was going to be on the show four years ago but had a commitment with Fox Network on the X Factor [US edition] and didn't want to appear on a rival network, NBC, aside from certain scheduling conflicts with his UK version of the show. The X Factor was canceled in 2013 from the Fox network and Simon wanted to join AGT in 2014 but Howard wouldn't leave. Same thing happened in 2015, Howard wouldn't leave. 

As previously reported by this blogger, Simon publicly stated that he never wanted Stern as a permanent judge on AGT, just as a guest judge. So anyway, to be free of Stern, producers devised a plan to simply move the show back to Los Angeles knowing Stern doesn't want to earn dough in a community property state. So, supposedly, get ready for Cowell for the 11th season of AGT in 2016 where sponsors are scrambling to buy airtime during the show that is anticipated to have record high ratings following the Stern hiring debacle.

#melgibson #bradpitt #judygarland #meganfox #betho #simoncowell #sfn #afn